It's Time To Hang It Up

This is my last entry. This blog has served its useful purpose in my life. It's allowed me to explore many emotions and thoughts during this transition point in my life, from student to physician and maybe to the beginning of healer.

But, it's a vanity in a way. A service to ego and it's time to face life without a crutch.

Time to turn inwards as we still fight to grip with all that is outwards.

I am grateful for the responses over the years. The many insights. The love. And, sometimes lack of love.

Time to unplug and whip out the old pen and paper...

Grief

Lunchtime. I don't each lunch, really. Maybe tea time. Or downtime. Or depressed time.

This morning was a bear. The sounds of crying. Not ostentatious crying. Just sobbing.

I'm sorry. There is nothing more I can do...

I must say that to people ten times a week.

Most of the time it's just a stunned silence, then a polite thank you.

Every now and then, it's anger.

Sometimes, histrionics.

But, then there is just the solitude of grief.

It doesn't matter how many family or friends are in the room. When the realization dawns on the patient that life is over, there is this retraction of space, this contraction of feeling.

Alone, facing your death.

This morning was one of those.

I feel washed out. I have to gather myself for the afternoon panel of patients.